I lie awake staring at the same dark four walls day after day
Waiting for someone to convince me that I am worth anything at all

It was the coldest winter yet, when you decided to return, only to remind me that this will never end
And it all could have been over, if I never had let you back in
It was my decision to let you do this to me

The blizzard has come and gone, I'm on the third day without power
Huddled up beneath every blanket in my house still feeling a draft

And it only gets colder, not just the weather alone
All the food I eat feels just like poison
And it's strange when the shortest of months, feels like the longest of all
Spring is approaching, but I'm already ready for fall


Fifteen months have gone by and you're here again surrounded by snow
glowing like you always have, gracefully and beautifully
Say with hesitation that you do not have any regrets
Smile halfway and swallow my weakly beating heart whole
Trap me in the corner for a good few hours at your friend's house
Exchanging stories of sexual bravado
Drive me home and leave me to my memories and poor appetite
I'll see you again soon, sooner than I'd like

Pandora's box reopened, it seems safe for the time being
I'll lessen the impact with edible painkilling powder
In a week you will leave the one you have always been bound to,
and motion towards me like there's something substantial at hand

You're here again, with all my friends, I'm drunk again, but
fully conscious of every word out of your mouth
Dance with me to our favorite music, go no further than that and
make me feel as if I have everything but everything
Fall asleep upstairs and put my foolishness on pause as I walk
downstairs unaccomplished, sleepless through the night
Drag this on for one more week and know that I will never stop you
Holding back our words, body language says it all

You moved to the other couch, to emphasize the obvious
I'll walk to the corner and angrily talk to myself
You were the last one to leave that night, five long minutes of silence,
with a reluctant final embrace after you sang to me one last time

Toss and wash all of my shame away
Withdraw keep all of my guilt at bay
Shake that bottle, mix the numbness
Muddy Indonesian magic

Oh, that look in your eyes
Oh, the notion of dogma
Oh, that look in your eyes