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Octcembruary Regurgitated

by Tyler North

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1.
IJAG 00:55
"I'm just a girl"
2.
Octcembruary 04:58
I had a dream in which the world was ending and everything was on fire No one chastised me for smoking a cigarette in the auditorium The orchestra played my song beautifully note by note You were standing there in the spotlight singing a song of your own The day after Christmas, I finally met you, in a bedroom down the road I vomited that night I vomited so much that night You looked so pretty with your eyes closed and arms around me And you looked so scary with your arms closed and eyes all around me And I'd like to thank you for the sacrifice you made for me And I'd like to thank you for the night you gave me A cold October Monday night, you forgot my coffee And we each drank a heavy beer, and empathized about how much we both wanted to die I cried myself to sleep that night, and vomited the next morning Pinching myself to see if this is real My nerves have no response Self-medicate without food In my dreams you laugh at me but really it's just me laughing at myself I could've stopped it, I should've stopped it, I would've stopped it had I known Repercussions making preparations, to scare me out of my own town, and make my life and dreams the same nightmare In my dreams you laugh at me but really it's just me laughing at myself I could've stopped it, I should've stopped it, I would've stopped it had I known
3.
Morphine 03:27
Poor judgment on my part Intrigued by stimuli Dismayed by consequence Staring eyes with no relent Are my detriments all you can sense? Justify fear, year after year Take it for what it's worth Approaching death on Earth Abundant goodness long forgotten Disguised by everything so rotten To those in pain, you know the drill Administer Morphine at will All the lights but one go out at once That one light stays on me for months Facade upon facade, my dear You won't know me until our time is near
4.
Dogma 06:40
I lie awake staring at the same dark four walls day after day Waiting for someone to convince me that I am worth anything at all It was the coldest winter yet, when you decided to return, only to remind me that this will never end And it all could have been over, if I never had let you back in It was my decision to let you do this to me The blizzard has come and gone, I'm on the third day without power Huddled up beneath every blanket in my house still feeling a draft And it only gets colder, not just the weather alone All the food I eat feels just like poison And it's strange when the shortest of months, feels like the longest of all Spring is approaching, but I'm already ready for fall Fifteen months have gone by and you're here again surrounded by snow glowing like you always have, gracefully and beautifully Say with hesitation that you do not have any regrets Smile halfway and swallow my weakly beating heart whole Trap me in the corner for a good few hours at your friend's house Exchanging stories of sexual bravado Drive me home and leave me to my memories and poor appetite I'll see you again soon, sooner than I'd like Pandora's box reopened, it seems safe for the time being I'll lessen the impact with edible painkilling powder In a week you will leave the one you have always been bound to, and motion towards me like there's something substantial at hand You're here again, with all my friends, I'm drunk again, but fully conscious of every word out of your mouth Dance with me to our favorite music, go no further than that and make me feel as if I have everything but everything Fall asleep upstairs and put my foolishness on pause as I walk downstairs unaccomplished, sleepless through the night Drag this on for one more week and know that I will never stop you Holding back our words, body language says it all You moved to the other couch, to emphasize the obvious I'll walk to the corner and angrily talk to myself You were the last one to leave that night, five long minutes of silence, with a reluctant final embrace after you sang to me one last time Toss and wash all of my shame away Withdraw keep all of my guilt at bay Shake that bottle, mix the numbness Muddy Indonesian magic Oh, that look in your eyes Oh, the notion of dogma Oh, that look in your eyes
5.
Canary 07:10
You were my favorite lullaby, so sing to yourself so you can sleep tonight Every word you uttered with that voice was music to my ears. Every word's a song Melting me with those eyes You were the only one My only source of light My only source of life Held you in my arms for the last time Although it was brief, I made sure to hold on tight Hope you know that it is all okay I've been here before; I've lived here all my life Nothing left to lose A life I've never known A man you'll never meet Who hasn't met himself A set of hearts immersed in apprehension My little fleeting canary, fly where you please My little fleeting canary, go have what you need

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released January 29, 2014

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Tyler North Pawtucket, Rhode Island

Years and years of ongoing unrequited love.

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